Blahhh!

So here I am, day 3 of being siiiiiiiiiiiiick. I haven't been like this in God knows how long. I started out with body aches and no appetite (which is VERY unusual, lol) and then I've just gotten worse each day. I'll spare the details, but I stuck it out and went to work Monday and yesterday, but I HAD to stay in the bed today. I did get up for just a little while and decided to go see how well I was doing with my weight loss and I went down another pound!! So that makes about 23 all together and over all I've lost 18 inches. I'm starting to feel a lot better about myself, which is something new because I've always been very self-conscious. I suppose there are things here and there about my physical appearance that I will never be satisfied with, but for the the most part I'm feeling good. On another note, I'm not doing so well "personally". I still have yet to wake up feeling normal. I smile and laugh and go on with my daily life as if everything is normal and nothing bothers me. I guess it's fairly simple to do so because I keep trying to convince myself that I really am okay. I still pray and every time I start thinking about it I tell myself "you're okay, you'll be fine, you're strong". It's just...lonely. I remember feeling like this about a year ago. When I look back and think about how vulnerable I was there was almost nothing I was immune to when it came to men. That's exactly why I ended up with the bottom of the barrel. So until things change, I'll just keep a smile on my face and continue to be strong so that I don't fall victim to another person's split personality. I recently heard someone say that there are 3 chapters in a relationship: The Introduction, The Friendship, and The Intimacy. She explained that intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex, but the point in your relationship where you begin to share personal thoughts and feelings with each other. There's no time limit for it; it can take a few weeks, a few months or even a few years. Now, when you're in your early 20's that can all happen in one day! I just...miss him. Hmph, anyway. I'm starting school in a week and a half and I'm equally nervous as I am excited. I've been online constantly looking at all of my options as a RN. I know I have a couple of years before I have to even worry about it, but it's already been 2 years since I finished school the first time around! I'm also really looking forward to meeting new people. My 3 girls will always, always, always be my number 1, but it'll be interesting to see what kind of other people I become friends with.