Session #1

I thought that it would hurt more. I feel it, or at least I feel something, but it only hurts a little bit. Although I have to admit, I kind of expected him to say something when I told him that I was disappointed and wanted things to work, but knew that they weren't going to. You know, a simple "no it's not going to work" or "I wanted things to work too" would have sufficed. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out if when someone says nothing, are they telling you everything? The fact that he kept quiet could mean one of two things: A). He wasn't disappointed. Or B). Maybe he thinks things will work out in another place, another time. I may never know. I pray every night about this. It's been my main focus over the last few months but it's no longer in my hands. I learned a long time ago that when something or someone really means something to you the best way to figure things out is to leave it in the hands of a greater power. The love I have in my heart is undeniable; even amongst all the BS and "drama" I am still so in love. But what can I say? He saved me in more ways than one. He came along just when I was ready to convince myself that maybe I didn't have what it took to be with someone that I loved and adored and the feeling was reciprocal. He showed me what it was like to have fun in the most simple ways. He gave me a sense of weakness when he kissed me, something I never knew existed. He's my best friend. I could be bitter and angry and make him out to be a typical man that used me until it got old and left me for someone else to pick up the pieces, but he was and is one hell of a person. I used to always think that loving someone meant that you did whatever you had to do in order to prove to them where you stood when it came to your emotions, and I suppose in a way it does, but I've learned that part of loving someone is knowing when to let go. It doesn't do either person any good to hinder one another from finding themselves in a relationship. I was and still am very happy that I was able to share a portion of my life with him. I laughed, I cried, I felt things that I didn't know were real. I'm gonna miss what we had, but I look forward to what may come...