At what point do we begin to let go of the false sense of hope that someone actually has real potential to become our significant other? I suppose everyone, at some point or another, feels that they would cheat themselves out of a good thing once they give up if they don't see enough progress in a certain amount of time. But is it really worth the hurt and humiliation to continue holding onto to something that may never be? Sometimes, I suppose we get the short end of the stick regardless. We hang in there praying that he/she will come to their senses and realize what they have in front of them only to find out that they knew the entire time that they had no real intentions of pursuing anything more than a physical or platonic relationship. On the other hand, those of us who are strong enough to leave (before we are left) look back feeling incredibly foolish to have ever allowed someone to take up that much of the time we could have spent A). Soul searching, B). With someone else, or C). By our damn selves! Damned if you do, damned if you don't, right? It amazes me how arrogant and childish some people are. The ones who lack any real substance are the main ones walking around as if they are soooo unattainable when, truth be told, they are the ones with the most baggage. Raise your hand if you want an insecure, flakey-ass, overly sensitive, bullshittin' muuhfucka who runs their mouth more than they can back it up? *Whomp Whooooommmmp!!!* And when are we going to discontinue using every "legitimate" excuse that we can come up with in order to keep from looking like the bad guy? Any real man or woman is going to appreciate the truth over a load of crap any day.

I have a friend who spent 2 whole years of her life waiting on a man whom she loved more than (I believe) she loved herself. I was pretty surprised when he finally came around and decided to make things official, but I wasn't surprised when he allowed one small arguement to determine the status of their relationship. Do I think this man ever really loved this woman? Actually, yes I do. Do I believe he loved her as much if not more than he loved himself? Absolutely not. Granted I only know one side of the story, but the fact that he took 2 years cosummate a "title" leaves me to believe that once the Tom & Jerry phase was over, so was the whole point of stringing her along. I am a firm believer that people get satisfaction out of making others look pathetic and desperate by filling their heads with lies and empty promises. I know, I know...people only go as far as others allow them. But what if they were truely oblivious to what was going on around them. I'm amazed at the amount of people I know personally who could win Academy Awards for their acting skills, lol. It's just really sad that the main people who complain about not being able to find "the right person" are the ones who are in dire need of some serious self-evaluation. Unfortunately you can't change people. As much as we would love to slap some sense into those who ignorantly pass the blame onto this person, that person, and her and her and him too the only two options we have are: 1). Pray for them. 2). Remove them from our lives.

My outlook on several things has significantly changed over the last 8 months or so. I have definitely learned to appreciate things for what they are really worth (including myself) and my ability to see through the lies and bullshit has increased by 100%. I'm also proud of the fact that I have now become so secure with myself that rather than settling for something that's "good enough" I aim for things that excite me more and more each day. I'm only 22 and by no means do I have everything figured out. I continue to make mistakes just like any other human being, but the difference between the old and new ME is that my head is no longer in the clouds. I take disappointment like a grain of salt and I'm liable to let a nigga know with no hesitation. I feel blessed to have the ability to let go and move on with my life without allowing hurtful situations dictate my sense of happiness. So here's to the ones who have lied, cheated, manipulated, used & abused; those of us who were brave enough to walk away and strong enough to stay away we owe you...NOTHING! *middle finger*

Barack Obama 2008

Last night was an emtional one on so many levels. I remember being 17 and in my junior year of high school, taking a U.S. History class. I will never forget asking the teacher if he thought that we would ever have a black president. As soon as the question came out of my mouth, he responded with a quick and casual, "No." He then stated that if we ever did, it would not be while he or I were alive. It is by far the greatest feeling my heart has ever known to prove him wrong. Not for the sake of proving him wrong, but because last night we achieved what most thought was the impossible. No one of other ethnicities or races will ever be able to understand what a monumental and historic event Nov. 4, 2008 is and always will be. I took Obama's winning as a personal triumph. I, fortunately, never had to endure the things so many of our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and ancestors have gone through in order to get to where we are today, but I most definitely sympathize and take any and everything that has happened to my fellow African American people to heart. To hear the words, "Our new President-Elect of the United States is Barack Obama" was so surreal. I was overwhelmed with emotions and found myself almost in tears to know that the steps our slave ancestors built that lead up to the White House are now the very ones an African American man will be standing at the top of. I have never been more proud in my entire life to be African American. More than the issue of race, I truely believe that this man will bring our country back to state of well being. Things are going to take time and it always gets worse before it gets better, but I know, in my heart, that over the next 4 years we will most definitely see great improvements. A lot of people doubt that this man is capable of staying true to the promises he's made, but what's important is that more people know that he will make necessary changes to our economy. The next 4 years are going to change our lives. Get ready!

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!

Cruise Control

I often write and speak a lot about relationships. This is mainly due to the fact that I am so horrible at them, although I'm beginning to get better each time a new man enters my life. So what exactly defines a relationship? I know people who met, began talking, went out on a few dates and before long, they've spent so much time together that it's understood that they are now a couple. I can't recall a time this has ever been the case for me. I dated one guy for about 6 months and as long as everything was good between us, I was his "girl", but as soon as things went bad I "wasn't his girl". This wasn't really his way of breaking up with me, but more of a way to control the situation so that he could constantly manipulate me and the extent of our "relationship". Because of this incredibly unhealthy situation I have gained a completely different way of thinking upon meeting someone new. I have learned to go with my first instinct and trust the signs that are clear and evident. I will be the first to admit that I have always been somewhat--okay VERY impulsive and would jump straight to the physical aspect of a relationship before even getting a decent meal and/or movie. Nowadays, I'm honestly a little afraid of intimacy. Something as simple as a kiss can create a window of possibilities of more physical things happening which opens the door to a plethora of emotions and feelings that can ultimately lead to a 50/50 chance of either heart break or commitment.

What happens when you meet an individual who is so scorned from their previous relationship that they almost have no way of committing to a simple conversation over drinks? I've had to learn (the hard way) that when someone is still licking their wounds, it's in your best interest and theirs to just be friends. I've had one man in particular tell me at least once in every conversation we've had that he's "not ready/looking for a relationship". The last time I checked, a relationship was not a factor in our process of getting to know one another. So I asked him, "Are you trying to convince me...or yourself that you're not looking/ready for a relationship?" And what was his answer? ".........". Yes, complete silence. Let me be the first to say that this man fits the bill of what I would consider "my type". He works, he has great conversation, he's good looking and has something to offer any individual who is lucky enough to be with him. With all of these characteristics rolled into one person, the potential to be with him (in more ways than one) definitely crosses my mind. But there's no rush. I know through experience that although time waits for nothing and nobody, it tells all.

Sometimes it's not enough to tell someone that what you say is true. Certain individuals rely solely on actions because it is for sure that they speak louder than words. However, in order to know whether or not that person is being genuine or telling you what they think you want to hear or acting out what they believe you want to see, you have to open up and allow them to showcase their sincerity one way or another.