Torn.

I normally would not post something like this, but being that the situation has left me feeling a bit defeated, I have to get it off my chest.

I met someone nearly 2 months ago and the chemistry was undeniable. As we began talking and getting to know each other, I realized that this may be the man for me. He was smart, well spoken, accomplished and still continued to strive for more. I've had my share of men throughout the years, and while they were all very different from one another, they all had one thing in common: their heads were never screwed on right. I became so enraptured with the thought of what was yet to come with this man, and the idea of he and I being together, that I did the one thing I swore I wouldn't: I told everybody. It's funny how a person (women especially) can create a situation in their mind without giving it time to evolve. We'd made plans to see each other during the weekend he came to town, and I could not wait. I had the perfect outfit picked out, got my Hollywood weave put in, a fly color painted on my nails and toes, and was READY. He'd told me the day before he was supposed to come out, that he was going to try to make it Saturday due to some last minute changes with his friends. Being the understanding person I am, I said okay and went on about my day. Saturday rolled around and I heard nothing from him. Nothing. Needless to say, I was very disappointed and pretty humiliated that I'd told everybody who would listen about "my" man coming to visit me.

I've been trying to work on changing a lot of things about myself. I'm trying to be strong, and know when to let go when the situation calls for it. I'm a confrontational person when the situation deems it necessary, and I'm not candid about speaking my mind. However, I never want to appear to be a nag or the type of woman who complains all the time, so I pick my battles. For the first time in years, I sent this man an email letting him know how I felt. I chose my words wisely and felt that after he read it, the ball would now be in his court. He responded a few days later letting me know that I'm not alone in this. I still don't know what that means, but one thing's for sure, I can't keep dwelling on it.

I can decide between my heart and my head if what I'm feeling is God talking to me, or a false sense of hope that I'm holding onto because I want this man to be "the one". I'm not even sure if I believe in "the one" because it's so cliche. I think I would have been able to deal with this a lot better had I not told so many people about this man. I never even gave him or our relationship a chance to go anywhere before I started referring to him as "my man". I know better from this point on, and hopefully if the Lord is willing, I'll get a chance to learn from my impulsive mistakes.