Monday, December 1, 2008
Cheating Only Causes You To Cheat Yourself
Since age 14 I have been incredibly entertained by the show "Cheaters". The fact that there are people who actually muscle up the courage to commit acts of infidelity and show no remorse for cheating but are instead upset that there are cameras in their faces cracks me up. The first question out of their lying ass mouths is always, "You couldn't just come to me and talk to me?? You had to go and get all these cameras to follow me??" Never mind the hurt and humiliation they have inflicted on their so-called loved ones by being sneaky and dishonest, they've got cameras in their faces! So why do men cheat? Is it lack of communication? Intimacy issues? Or perhaps the excitement that they once felt for their significant other has lost it's flame. Men cheat for the same reason dogs lick their balls--because they can. Simply put (but not justified) it's part of their biology. Ladies, instead wasting all of our energy condemning it, maybe we should all get in line and face reality of the situation...right? Although this sounds very empowering, there's one important detail that seems to be forgotten here: women cheat as well! Some may view women cheating as being completely different from a man cheating for the simple fact that most women don't go around randomly attacking every man she is attracted to. Unlike men, we're not driven by testosterone. So what does drive women one might ask? Emotions. Somewhere inside a majority of us there's a little voice screaming "Made for life! Made for life!" The problem is, different people have different definitions of what constitutes cheating. Some don't tolerate it, others are a bit more forgiving--maybe even more "realistic" about human nature. Granted these individuals are the ones who are more likely to cheat. I, however don't think that cheating can be defined in absolute terms. Do I think it's okay to cheat? No. But I do believe that there is a "cheating curve" specifically if some one's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat. Call it moral relativism if you'd like, I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating. :) In another aspect the act of cheating can be defined by the act of getting caught--one doesn't exist without the other. It is then that cheating becomes somewhat like the proverbial tree in the forest: It doesn't exist if no one is around to catch you. In order to avoid any confusion on how far you are or are not allowed to go when cheating becomes an issue, simply avoid making new friends of the opposite sex. Your significant other should be your main source of satisfaction which is why the two of you established the title of being in a relationship in the first place. Don't put yourself in a predicament that could ultimately cause you to get cheated out of a good thing because you chose to cheat.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
At what point do we begin to let go of the false sense of hope that someone actually has real potential to become our significant other? I suppose everyone, at some point or another, feels that they would cheat themselves out of a good thing once they give up if they don't see enough progress in a certain amount of time. But is it really worth the hurt and humiliation to continue holding onto to something that may never be? Sometimes, I suppose we get the short end of the stick regardless. We hang in there praying that he/she will come to their senses and realize what they have in front of them only to find out that they knew the entire time that they had no real intentions of pursuing anything more than a physical or platonic relationship. On the other hand, those of us who are strong enough to leave (before we are left) look back feeling incredibly foolish to have ever allowed someone to take up that much of the time we could have spent A). Soul searching, B). With someone else, or C). By our damn selves! Damned if you do, damned if you don't, right? It amazes me how arrogant and childish some people are. The ones who lack any real substance are the main ones walking around as if they are soooo unattainable when, truth be told, they are the ones with the most baggage. Raise your hand if you want an insecure, flakey-ass, overly sensitive, bullshittin' muuhfucka who runs their mouth more than they can back it up? *Whomp Whooooommmmp!!!* And when are we going to discontinue using every "legitimate" excuse that we can come up with in order to keep from looking like the bad guy? Any real man or woman is going to appreciate the truth over a load of crap any day.
I have a friend who spent 2 whole years of her life waiting on a man whom she loved more than (I believe) she loved herself. I was pretty surprised when he finally came around and decided to make things official, but I wasn't surprised when he allowed one small arguement to determine the status of their relationship. Do I think this man ever really loved this woman? Actually, yes I do. Do I believe he loved her as much if not more than he loved himself? Absolutely not. Granted I only know one side of the story, but the fact that he took 2 years cosummate a "title" leaves me to believe that once the Tom & Jerry phase was over, so was the whole point of stringing her along. I am a firm believer that people get satisfaction out of making others look pathetic and desperate by filling their heads with lies and empty promises. I know, I know...people only go as far as others allow them. But what if they were truely oblivious to what was going on around them. I'm amazed at the amount of people I know personally who could win Academy Awards for their acting skills, lol. It's just really sad that the main people who complain about not being able to find "the right person" are the ones who are in dire need of some serious self-evaluation. Unfortunately you can't change people. As much as we would love to slap some sense into those who ignorantly pass the blame onto this person, that person, and her and her and him too the only two options we have are: 1). Pray for them. 2). Remove them from our lives.
My outlook on several things has significantly changed over the last 8 months or so. I have definitely learned to appreciate things for what they are really worth (including myself) and my ability to see through the lies and bullshit has increased by 100%. I'm also proud of the fact that I have now become so secure with myself that rather than settling for something that's "good enough" I aim for things that excite me more and more each day. I'm only 22 and by no means do I have everything figured out. I continue to make mistakes just like any other human being, but the difference between the old and new ME is that my head is no longer in the clouds. I take disappointment like a grain of salt and I'm liable to let a nigga know with no hesitation. I feel blessed to have the ability to let go and move on with my life without allowing hurtful situations dictate my sense of happiness. So here's to the ones who have lied, cheated, manipulated, used & abused; those of us who were brave enough to walk away and strong enough to stay away we owe you...NOTHING! *middle finger*
I have a friend who spent 2 whole years of her life waiting on a man whom she loved more than (I believe) she loved herself. I was pretty surprised when he finally came around and decided to make things official, but I wasn't surprised when he allowed one small arguement to determine the status of their relationship. Do I think this man ever really loved this woman? Actually, yes I do. Do I believe he loved her as much if not more than he loved himself? Absolutely not. Granted I only know one side of the story, but the fact that he took 2 years cosummate a "title" leaves me to believe that once the Tom & Jerry phase was over, so was the whole point of stringing her along. I am a firm believer that people get satisfaction out of making others look pathetic and desperate by filling their heads with lies and empty promises. I know, I know...people only go as far as others allow them. But what if they were truely oblivious to what was going on around them. I'm amazed at the amount of people I know personally who could win Academy Awards for their acting skills, lol. It's just really sad that the main people who complain about not being able to find "the right person" are the ones who are in dire need of some serious self-evaluation. Unfortunately you can't change people. As much as we would love to slap some sense into those who ignorantly pass the blame onto this person, that person, and her and her and him too the only two options we have are: 1). Pray for them. 2). Remove them from our lives.
My outlook on several things has significantly changed over the last 8 months or so. I have definitely learned to appreciate things for what they are really worth (including myself) and my ability to see through the lies and bullshit has increased by 100%. I'm also proud of the fact that I have now become so secure with myself that rather than settling for something that's "good enough" I aim for things that excite me more and more each day. I'm only 22 and by no means do I have everything figured out. I continue to make mistakes just like any other human being, but the difference between the old and new ME is that my head is no longer in the clouds. I take disappointment like a grain of salt and I'm liable to let a nigga know with no hesitation. I feel blessed to have the ability to let go and move on with my life without allowing hurtful situations dictate my sense of happiness. So here's to the ones who have lied, cheated, manipulated, used & abused; those of us who were brave enough to walk away and strong enough to stay away we owe you...NOTHING! *middle finger*
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Barack Obama 2008
Last night was an emtional one on so many levels. I remember being 17 and in my junior year of high school, taking a U.S. History class. I will never forget asking the teacher if he thought that we would ever have a black president. As soon as the question came out of my mouth, he responded with a quick and casual, "No." He then stated that if we ever did, it would not be while he or I were alive. It is by far the greatest feeling my heart has ever known to prove him wrong. Not for the sake of proving him wrong, but because last night we achieved what most thought was the impossible. No one of other ethnicities or races will ever be able to understand what a monumental and historic event Nov. 4, 2008 is and always will be. I took Obama's winning as a personal triumph. I, fortunately, never had to endure the things so many of our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and ancestors have gone through in order to get to where we are today, but I most definitely sympathize and take any and everything that has happened to my fellow African American people to heart. To hear the words, "Our new President-Elect of the United States is Barack Obama" was so surreal. I was overwhelmed with emotions and found myself almost in tears to know that the steps our slave ancestors built that lead up to the White House are now the very ones an African American man will be standing at the top of. I have never been more proud in my entire life to be African American. More than the issue of race, I truely believe that this man will bring our country back to state of well being. Things are going to take time and it always gets worse before it gets better, but I know, in my heart, that over the next 4 years we will most definitely see great improvements. A lot of people doubt that this man is capable of staying true to the promises he's made, but what's important is that more people know that he will make necessary changes to our economy. The next 4 years are going to change our lives. Get ready!
MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Cruise Control
I often write and speak a lot about relationships. This is mainly due to the fact that I am so horrible at them, although I'm beginning to get better each time a new man enters my life. So what exactly defines a relationship? I know people who met, began talking, went out on a few dates and before long, they've spent so much time together that it's understood that they are now a couple. I can't recall a time this has ever been the case for me. I dated one guy for about 6 months and as long as everything was good between us, I was his "girl", but as soon as things went bad I "wasn't his girl". This wasn't really his way of breaking up with me, but more of a way to control the situation so that he could constantly manipulate me and the extent of our "relationship". Because of this incredibly unhealthy situation I have gained a completely different way of thinking upon meeting someone new. I have learned to go with my first instinct and trust the signs that are clear and evident. I will be the first to admit that I have always been somewhat--okay VERY impulsive and would jump straight to the physical aspect of a relationship before even getting a decent meal and/or movie. Nowadays, I'm honestly a little afraid of intimacy. Something as simple as a kiss can create a window of possibilities of more physical things happening which opens the door to a plethora of emotions and feelings that can ultimately lead to a 50/50 chance of either heart break or commitment.
What happens when you meet an individual who is so scorned from their previous relationship that they almost have no way of committing to a simple conversation over drinks? I've had to learn (the hard way) that when someone is still licking their wounds, it's in your best interest and theirs to just be friends. I've had one man in particular tell me at least once in every conversation we've had that he's "not ready/looking for a relationship". The last time I checked, a relationship was not a factor in our process of getting to know one another. So I asked him, "Are you trying to convince me...or yourself that you're not looking/ready for a relationship?" And what was his answer? ".........". Yes, complete silence. Let me be the first to say that this man fits the bill of what I would consider "my type". He works, he has great conversation, he's good looking and has something to offer any individual who is lucky enough to be with him. With all of these characteristics rolled into one person, the potential to be with him (in more ways than one) definitely crosses my mind. But there's no rush. I know through experience that although time waits for nothing and nobody, it tells all.
Sometimes it's not enough to tell someone that what you say is true. Certain individuals rely solely on actions because it is for sure that they speak louder than words. However, in order to know whether or not that person is being genuine or telling you what they think you want to hear or acting out what they believe you want to see, you have to open up and allow them to showcase their sincerity one way or another.
What happens when you meet an individual who is so scorned from their previous relationship that they almost have no way of committing to a simple conversation over drinks? I've had to learn (the hard way) that when someone is still licking their wounds, it's in your best interest and theirs to just be friends. I've had one man in particular tell me at least once in every conversation we've had that he's "not ready/looking for a relationship". The last time I checked, a relationship was not a factor in our process of getting to know one another. So I asked him, "Are you trying to convince me...or yourself that you're not looking/ready for a relationship?" And what was his answer? ".........". Yes, complete silence. Let me be the first to say that this man fits the bill of what I would consider "my type". He works, he has great conversation, he's good looking and has something to offer any individual who is lucky enough to be with him. With all of these characteristics rolled into one person, the potential to be with him (in more ways than one) definitely crosses my mind. But there's no rush. I know through experience that although time waits for nothing and nobody, it tells all.
Sometimes it's not enough to tell someone that what you say is true. Certain individuals rely solely on actions because it is for sure that they speak louder than words. However, in order to know whether or not that person is being genuine or telling you what they think you want to hear or acting out what they believe you want to see, you have to open up and allow them to showcase their sincerity one way or another.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Part 2
As I was browsing and being nosy, I stumbled upon a blog (by someone I don't know) and read her entry discussing something that she said she had been hearing a lot of lately: the DEMANDS women put on potential suitors. Over the last few years I have most definitely raised my standards although the things that really truely count, I'm still struggling with. I work, so I expect anybody that I date to have a job as well. I have my own vehicle and I feel my man should too. I don't have my own place yet, but I do expect someone that I'm seeing to be living with ANYONE besides his mother. I know that sounds hypocritical, but we have all at one point or another dated a mama's boy and as long as a man is living with his mother, there's only room for one woman in the house and it's not gonna be you. This woman went on to give an example of someone she knew personally who would "parking lot pimp" and approach men who drove luxary vehicles. I suppose the only reason she preferred men who drove nice cars is because at one point she was married to an ex-football player. What she clearly failed to realize is that there are PLENTY of broke ass men out there who want everybody to believe that they actually have something by flossing a Benz that they more than likely live out of because they can't afford a decent one bedroom apartment. I have never been one to live outside my means and although image is very important to me, I refuse to spend all of my hard earned money on clothes and shoes when I have other financial responsiblilites to take care of. But I digress.
I have a relative who is only 19 years old, but has already began to base whether or not a man is worthy of her attention based on "what he can do" for her. I guess she's got it honest because her mother is the same way. My mom has always preferred a man who could bring something to the table, but she has also been very independent and was able to take care of the both of us without the help of a man.As I stated in a few blogs back, it is due to my own personal satisfaction that I have made it a personal goal to live completely alone for a least 1 year before I even consider living with a man. I plan on having a successful career within the next couple of years so I don't see why that should be a problem for me. I guess I just worry about falling victim to the very thing that gets a woman caught up in a situation where she's insecure on whether or not she can afford to take care of herself without the financial support of a man. I honestly can't see myself getting married and starting a family while I'm in my 20's. I feel these are the years that I'm supposed to enjoy myself and find out what I really want in life. My mom has told me several times over the last few years that there is no written rule that says you have to get married and have kids. I think a lot of this is her trying to encourage me to be self-supporting above anything else. I think if she could have done everything all over again she would have waited a few more years and probably had kids and got married to a different man.
I am very fortunate that throughout the years of dating several losers, nothing has perminately done any damage. It is very difficult as a woman to make clear conscious decisions without basing it on a feeling that may be hard to deal with a the time, but very likely that you will get over. I'm more than ready to meet a man with whom I can have a lasting and healthy relationship with, but my days of being desperate and willing to settle for something that is way less than I deserve are long gone. For women (and men) who are getting what they feel they don't deserve, take a step back and look at the kind of people you're surrounding yourself with. After all, you're only as good as the company you keep...
I have a relative who is only 19 years old, but has already began to base whether or not a man is worthy of her attention based on "what he can do" for her. I guess she's got it honest because her mother is the same way. My mom has always preferred a man who could bring something to the table, but she has also been very independent and was able to take care of the both of us without the help of a man.As I stated in a few blogs back, it is due to my own personal satisfaction that I have made it a personal goal to live completely alone for a least 1 year before I even consider living with a man. I plan on having a successful career within the next couple of years so I don't see why that should be a problem for me. I guess I just worry about falling victim to the very thing that gets a woman caught up in a situation where she's insecure on whether or not she can afford to take care of herself without the financial support of a man. I honestly can't see myself getting married and starting a family while I'm in my 20's. I feel these are the years that I'm supposed to enjoy myself and find out what I really want in life. My mom has told me several times over the last few years that there is no written rule that says you have to get married and have kids. I think a lot of this is her trying to encourage me to be self-supporting above anything else. I think if she could have done everything all over again she would have waited a few more years and probably had kids and got married to a different man.
I am very fortunate that throughout the years of dating several losers, nothing has perminately done any damage. It is very difficult as a woman to make clear conscious decisions without basing it on a feeling that may be hard to deal with a the time, but very likely that you will get over. I'm more than ready to meet a man with whom I can have a lasting and healthy relationship with, but my days of being desperate and willing to settle for something that is way less than I deserve are long gone. For women (and men) who are getting what they feel they don't deserve, take a step back and look at the kind of people you're surrounding yourself with. After all, you're only as good as the company you keep...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
WHOOO LET THE DOGS OOOOOUT!!?
I swear I wish I had more time to write on here...
When and where do men get off thinking that all they have to do is show up and they get what they want? Have none of you ever heard of the 6 letter word "effort"? It seems as if that word may have been removed from the male English language because here lately I am seeing little to none what-so-ever and it's becoming quite redundant. I admit I've mostly been the one to put my foot forward FIRST and try to do the half way thing just so that I can show that I'm not as selfish as most women are made out to be. But it never fails, men get too comfortable too quick and they totally disregard the fact that every once in a while a woman wants to be treated as such. I met up with an old "friend" this past weekend for lunch and some R&R afterwards. To begin with, I suggested a restaurant that I liked, but he had never been to. Right when we're getting ready to be on our way, he suggests something different at his convenience. Being the reasonable person I am, I went along with it even though I was very irritated with the fact that he couldn't even be considerate enough to try this place. What amuses me about this guy is he used to tell me all the time "Just name something. If there's something you want, tell me", and as soon as I do, he finds a way to manipulate the situation and have it his fucking way! Anyway, we order and eat our food, and instead of being a GENTLEMAN, he says "If you don't mind, I'll pay for my half and you pay for yours". I put a smile on my face but on the inside I was pissed off. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not mad at the fact that he didn't pay for my meal, I was mad at the fact that he made NO effort in the least bit to meet me half way. He dictates what restaurant we go to and then can't even offer to pay for my little $11.00 meal that I didn't even enjoy! But you know what? I take full responsibility for the entire situation because all I had to say was "No, I really want to go to the other place". After all, I was the one driving! The worst part about the whole situation was the man goes back to my house and expects to actually get some! Not to sound like a hooker or anything, but if you can't do anything more than show your face around here then you gets NOTHIN'! I have honestly had it with men and their bullshit. I just want to meet a decent man with good values and morals when it comes to life and love, who has his head on straight enough to be heading in the right direction. To be honest, I did recently meet one who I could tell from the first conversation was a good catch, but due to the fact that he is fresh out of a relationship, I think it would be in his best interest and mine that we keep things on a platonic level. My mom told me earlier today that when it comes to men I have this "thing" where I try to save them from whatever problems they have while in the meantime, I put my personal (relationship) needs on hold. She might be right...
When and where do men get off thinking that all they have to do is show up and they get what they want? Have none of you ever heard of the 6 letter word "effort"? It seems as if that word may have been removed from the male English language because here lately I am seeing little to none what-so-ever and it's becoming quite redundant. I admit I've mostly been the one to put my foot forward FIRST and try to do the half way thing just so that I can show that I'm not as selfish as most women are made out to be. But it never fails, men get too comfortable too quick and they totally disregard the fact that every once in a while a woman wants to be treated as such. I met up with an old "friend" this past weekend for lunch and some R&R afterwards. To begin with, I suggested a restaurant that I liked, but he had never been to. Right when we're getting ready to be on our way, he suggests something different at his convenience. Being the reasonable person I am, I went along with it even though I was very irritated with the fact that he couldn't even be considerate enough to try this place. What amuses me about this guy is he used to tell me all the time "Just name something. If there's something you want, tell me", and as soon as I do, he finds a way to manipulate the situation and have it his fucking way! Anyway, we order and eat our food, and instead of being a GENTLEMAN, he says "If you don't mind, I'll pay for my half and you pay for yours". I put a smile on my face but on the inside I was pissed off. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not mad at the fact that he didn't pay for my meal, I was mad at the fact that he made NO effort in the least bit to meet me half way. He dictates what restaurant we go to and then can't even offer to pay for my little $11.00 meal that I didn't even enjoy! But you know what? I take full responsibility for the entire situation because all I had to say was "No, I really want to go to the other place". After all, I was the one driving! The worst part about the whole situation was the man goes back to my house and expects to actually get some! Not to sound like a hooker or anything, but if you can't do anything more than show your face around here then you gets NOTHIN'! I have honestly had it with men and their bullshit. I just want to meet a decent man with good values and morals when it comes to life and love, who has his head on straight enough to be heading in the right direction. To be honest, I did recently meet one who I could tell from the first conversation was a good catch, but due to the fact that he is fresh out of a relationship, I think it would be in his best interest and mine that we keep things on a platonic level. My mom told me earlier today that when it comes to men I have this "thing" where I try to save them from whatever problems they have while in the meantime, I put my personal (relationship) needs on hold. She might be right...
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