I often write and speak a lot about relationships. This is mainly due to the fact that I am so horrible at them, although I'm beginning to get better each time a new man enters my life. So what exactly defines a relationship? I know people who met, began talking, went out on a few dates and before long, they've spent so much time together that it's understood that they are now a couple. I can't recall a time this has ever been the case for me. I dated one guy for about 6 months and as long as everything was good between us, I was his "girl", but as soon as things went bad I "wasn't his girl". This wasn't really his way of breaking up with me, but more of a way to control the situation so that he could constantly manipulate me and the extent of our "relationship". Because of this incredibly unhealthy situation I have gained a completely different way of thinking upon meeting someone new. I have learned to go with my first instinct and trust the signs that are clear and evident. I will be the first to admit that I have always been somewhat--okay VERY impulsive and would jump straight to the physical aspect of a relationship before even getting a decent meal and/or movie. Nowadays, I'm honestly a little afraid of intimacy. Something as simple as a kiss can create a window of possibilities of more physical things happening which opens the door to a plethora of emotions and feelings that can ultimately lead to a 50/50 chance of either heart break or commitment.
What happens when you meet an individual who is so scorned from their previous relationship that they almost have no way of committing to a simple conversation over drinks? I've had to learn (the hard way) that when someone is still licking their wounds, it's in your best interest and theirs to just be friends. I've had one man in particular tell me at least once in every conversation we've had that he's "not ready/looking for a relationship". The last time I checked, a relationship was not a factor in our process of getting to know one another. So I asked him, "Are you trying to convince me...or yourself that you're not looking/ready for a relationship?" And what was his answer? ".........". Yes, complete silence. Let me be the first to say that this man fits the bill of what I would consider "my type". He works, he has great conversation, he's good looking and has something to offer any individual who is lucky enough to be with him. With all of these characteristics rolled into one person, the potential to be with him (in more ways than one) definitely crosses my mind. But there's no rush. I know through experience that although time waits for nothing and nobody, it tells all.
Sometimes it's not enough to tell someone that what you say is true. Certain individuals rely solely on actions because it is for sure that they speak louder than words. However, in order to know whether or not that person is being genuine or telling you what they think you want to hear or acting out what they believe you want to see, you have to open up and allow them to showcase their sincerity one way or another.
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Girl, this is an interesting post. I was having a conversation w/ one of my friends the other day about how we must continue to set our standards high where men are concerned & break old habits. I also mentioned in this conversation about how I have never received a dozens roses (or the like) from a man (relatives included) & you know I just had a b-day :) so this leaves a lot to be said. But anyways, keep doing what you're doing. Look for the tell-tell warning signs that the guy is or is not right for you. Believe me, if I would've paid attention to instincts, I would've avoided a lot of wasted time. Keep growing, love yourself, let God guide, & things will turn out exactly how He has them planned :)
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