As I was browsing and being nosy, I stumbled upon a blog (by someone I don't know) and read her entry discussing something that she said she had been hearing a lot of lately: the DEMANDS women put on potential suitors. Over the last few years I have most definitely raised my standards although the things that really truely count, I'm still struggling with. I work, so I expect anybody that I date to have a job as well. I have my own vehicle and I feel my man should too. I don't have my own place yet, but I do expect someone that I'm seeing to be living with ANYONE besides his mother. I know that sounds hypocritical, but we have all at one point or another dated a mama's boy and as long as a man is living with his mother, there's only room for one woman in the house and it's not gonna be you. This woman went on to give an example of someone she knew personally who would "parking lot pimp" and approach men who drove luxary vehicles. I suppose the only reason she preferred men who drove nice cars is because at one point she was married to an ex-football player. What she clearly failed to realize is that there are PLENTY of broke ass men out there who want everybody to believe that they actually have something by flossing a Benz that they more than likely live out of because they can't afford a decent one bedroom apartment. I have never been one to live outside my means and although image is very important to me, I refuse to spend all of my hard earned money on clothes and shoes when I have other financial responsiblilites to take care of. But I digress.
I have a relative who is only 19 years old, but has already began to base whether or not a man is worthy of her attention based on "what he can do" for her. I guess she's got it honest because her mother is the same way. My mom has always preferred a man who could bring something to the table, but she has also been very independent and was able to take care of the both of us without the help of a man.As I stated in a few blogs back, it is due to my own personal satisfaction that I have made it a personal goal to live completely alone for a least 1 year before I even consider living with a man. I plan on having a successful career within the next couple of years so I don't see why that should be a problem for me. I guess I just worry about falling victim to the very thing that gets a woman caught up in a situation where she's insecure on whether or not she can afford to take care of herself without the financial support of a man. I honestly can't see myself getting married and starting a family while I'm in my 20's. I feel these are the years that I'm supposed to enjoy myself and find out what I really want in life. My mom has told me several times over the last few years that there is no written rule that says you have to get married and have kids. I think a lot of this is her trying to encourage me to be self-supporting above anything else. I think if she could have done everything all over again she would have waited a few more years and probably had kids and got married to a different man.
I am very fortunate that throughout the years of dating several losers, nothing has perminately done any damage. It is very difficult as a woman to make clear conscious decisions without basing it on a feeling that may be hard to deal with a the time, but very likely that you will get over. I'm more than ready to meet a man with whom I can have a lasting and healthy relationship with, but my days of being desperate and willing to settle for something that is way less than I deserve are long gone. For women (and men) who are getting what they feel they don't deserve, take a step back and look at the kind of people you're surrounding yourself with. After all, you're only as good as the company you keep...
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
WHOOO LET THE DOGS OOOOOUT!!?
I swear I wish I had more time to write on here...
When and where do men get off thinking that all they have to do is show up and they get what they want? Have none of you ever heard of the 6 letter word "effort"? It seems as if that word may have been removed from the male English language because here lately I am seeing little to none what-so-ever and it's becoming quite redundant. I admit I've mostly been the one to put my foot forward FIRST and try to do the half way thing just so that I can show that I'm not as selfish as most women are made out to be. But it never fails, men get too comfortable too quick and they totally disregard the fact that every once in a while a woman wants to be treated as such. I met up with an old "friend" this past weekend for lunch and some R&R afterwards. To begin with, I suggested a restaurant that I liked, but he had never been to. Right when we're getting ready to be on our way, he suggests something different at his convenience. Being the reasonable person I am, I went along with it even though I was very irritated with the fact that he couldn't even be considerate enough to try this place. What amuses me about this guy is he used to tell me all the time "Just name something. If there's something you want, tell me", and as soon as I do, he finds a way to manipulate the situation and have it his fucking way! Anyway, we order and eat our food, and instead of being a GENTLEMAN, he says "If you don't mind, I'll pay for my half and you pay for yours". I put a smile on my face but on the inside I was pissed off. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not mad at the fact that he didn't pay for my meal, I was mad at the fact that he made NO effort in the least bit to meet me half way. He dictates what restaurant we go to and then can't even offer to pay for my little $11.00 meal that I didn't even enjoy! But you know what? I take full responsibility for the entire situation because all I had to say was "No, I really want to go to the other place". After all, I was the one driving! The worst part about the whole situation was the man goes back to my house and expects to actually get some! Not to sound like a hooker or anything, but if you can't do anything more than show your face around here then you gets NOTHIN'! I have honestly had it with men and their bullshit. I just want to meet a decent man with good values and morals when it comes to life and love, who has his head on straight enough to be heading in the right direction. To be honest, I did recently meet one who I could tell from the first conversation was a good catch, but due to the fact that he is fresh out of a relationship, I think it would be in his best interest and mine that we keep things on a platonic level. My mom told me earlier today that when it comes to men I have this "thing" where I try to save them from whatever problems they have while in the meantime, I put my personal (relationship) needs on hold. She might be right...
When and where do men get off thinking that all they have to do is show up and they get what they want? Have none of you ever heard of the 6 letter word "effort"? It seems as if that word may have been removed from the male English language because here lately I am seeing little to none what-so-ever and it's becoming quite redundant. I admit I've mostly been the one to put my foot forward FIRST and try to do the half way thing just so that I can show that I'm not as selfish as most women are made out to be. But it never fails, men get too comfortable too quick and they totally disregard the fact that every once in a while a woman wants to be treated as such. I met up with an old "friend" this past weekend for lunch and some R&R afterwards. To begin with, I suggested a restaurant that I liked, but he had never been to. Right when we're getting ready to be on our way, he suggests something different at his convenience. Being the reasonable person I am, I went along with it even though I was very irritated with the fact that he couldn't even be considerate enough to try this place. What amuses me about this guy is he used to tell me all the time "Just name something. If there's something you want, tell me", and as soon as I do, he finds a way to manipulate the situation and have it his fucking way! Anyway, we order and eat our food, and instead of being a GENTLEMAN, he says "If you don't mind, I'll pay for my half and you pay for yours". I put a smile on my face but on the inside I was pissed off. Now before anyone jumps to conclusions, I was not mad at the fact that he didn't pay for my meal, I was mad at the fact that he made NO effort in the least bit to meet me half way. He dictates what restaurant we go to and then can't even offer to pay for my little $11.00 meal that I didn't even enjoy! But you know what? I take full responsibility for the entire situation because all I had to say was "No, I really want to go to the other place". After all, I was the one driving! The worst part about the whole situation was the man goes back to my house and expects to actually get some! Not to sound like a hooker or anything, but if you can't do anything more than show your face around here then you gets NOTHIN'! I have honestly had it with men and their bullshit. I just want to meet a decent man with good values and morals when it comes to life and love, who has his head on straight enough to be heading in the right direction. To be honest, I did recently meet one who I could tell from the first conversation was a good catch, but due to the fact that he is fresh out of a relationship, I think it would be in his best interest and mine that we keep things on a platonic level. My mom told me earlier today that when it comes to men I have this "thing" where I try to save them from whatever problems they have while in the meantime, I put my personal (relationship) needs on hold. She might be right...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Vlog #2
Why does it always look like I'm making an ugly ass face on these things?! Geez... Anywho! Enjoy!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Digging for gold...with chocolate in the middle ;)
Thus far, it has been an uninteresting weekend with rather interesting events.
Friday was supposed to be a "date night" for me. Nothing major--dinner and a movie. The night before, I was having a casual conversation with the guy I was planning on going out with, and I casually asked him a rather personal question. Before I reveal the question, I would like to note that I did ask him to not take it the wrong way because some people (especially men) get rather defensive when someone asks certain things that they feel is either personal or irrelevant. Being that we were on the subject of work, I asked him what his salary was. Now before anybody freaks out or forms an opinion, I'd like to say that in my defense I did not ask him how much money he brought home on his paycheck. I probably should have worded it differently and asked what I really meant which was "how much does someone make doing what you do?" The night we were supposed to go out, he calls me and tells me, in not so many words, that he got the impression that I was after him for his money. I will admit that since I am getting older and trying to take dating a tad bit more seriously, a man's establishment is important to me. That does not necessarily mean that I'm concerned with whether or not he brings home over $50,000.00 a year. My dad doesn't make that much, and my mom substantially earns at least $15,000.00 more than he does, but it has never made a difference to her. Being that my mom has never been concerned with anything other than a man having a job, she has not raised me to rely on the financial security of a man for my well being. For the record (and yes I'm bragging) I work Mon-Fri earning a decent amount of money that allows me to pay for my own brand new vehicle, I pay for my own tuition as well as books, I pay my own cell phone bill (which is NOT cheap), and anything else that I need or want on a regular basis. Oh yeah, and I'm kid free. I do NOT need a man for anything other than company, comfort and a good lay every now and then. I know that some people may say that there has to be some truth behind it if I'm getting so defensive, but honestly, I strongly dislike women who look to a man for financial security. I take a great deal of pride in everything that I do independently and the last thing I want is for someone to put me in a category with gold-diggers. But I'm through explaining myself...
On a lighter note I have my first lab exam tomorrow and I'm shittin' bricks. I've been studying everyday for the past couple of weeks but I still don't feel fully prepared for it. I know that a lot of it is anxiety because the professor is basically throwing us to the wolves, but regardless of how well I do or don't do I'll know what to expect the next time and hopefully I won't stress as much.
Friday was supposed to be a "date night" for me. Nothing major--dinner and a movie. The night before, I was having a casual conversation with the guy I was planning on going out with, and I casually asked him a rather personal question. Before I reveal the question, I would like to note that I did ask him to not take it the wrong way because some people (especially men) get rather defensive when someone asks certain things that they feel is either personal or irrelevant. Being that we were on the subject of work, I asked him what his salary was. Now before anybody freaks out or forms an opinion, I'd like to say that in my defense I did not ask him how much money he brought home on his paycheck. I probably should have worded it differently and asked what I really meant which was "how much does someone make doing what you do?" The night we were supposed to go out, he calls me and tells me, in not so many words, that he got the impression that I was after him for his money. I will admit that since I am getting older and trying to take dating a tad bit more seriously, a man's establishment is important to me. That does not necessarily mean that I'm concerned with whether or not he brings home over $50,000.00 a year. My dad doesn't make that much, and my mom substantially earns at least $15,000.00 more than he does, but it has never made a difference to her. Being that my mom has never been concerned with anything other than a man having a job, she has not raised me to rely on the financial security of a man for my well being. For the record (and yes I'm bragging) I work Mon-Fri earning a decent amount of money that allows me to pay for my own brand new vehicle, I pay for my own tuition as well as books, I pay my own cell phone bill (which is NOT cheap), and anything else that I need or want on a regular basis. Oh yeah, and I'm kid free. I do NOT need a man for anything other than company, comfort and a good lay every now and then. I know that some people may say that there has to be some truth behind it if I'm getting so defensive, but honestly, I strongly dislike women who look to a man for financial security. I take a great deal of pride in everything that I do independently and the last thing I want is for someone to put me in a category with gold-diggers. But I'm through explaining myself...
On a lighter note I have my first lab exam tomorrow and I'm shittin' bricks. I've been studying everyday for the past couple of weeks but I still don't feel fully prepared for it. I know that a lot of it is anxiety because the professor is basically throwing us to the wolves, but regardless of how well I do or don't do I'll know what to expect the next time and hopefully I won't stress as much.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Rescue me...PUH-LEASE!
A quick intermission from my life a.k.a STUDYING.
I would have never thought that I would be so overwhelmed so quickly with school. I guess it's a matter of getting used to a new routine with doubled responsibilites. All I know is, thank GOD I don't have kids! I honestly don't see how people do it with families. It's hard enough to find time to get all of my other work and studying done without the stress or noise of children running around, although sometimes I feel like I live with a child when my deaf ass daddy has the t.v. cut up as loud as it'll go. So this will be the 2nd week in a row that someone has asked me to come out and I've had to say no because I can't afford to be out when I'm pressed for time to prepare for an exam 10 days from now. Even though it's disappointing that I had to decline, I'm pretty proud of myself for having my priorities in the right order. Aside from all of the work, the toughest part about everything going on right now is doing it without someone to talk to. But it could be a lot worse, so when I have my "moments" I always try to look at the bigger picture and count my blessings. I just really hate feeling lonely. I've always been the one out of everybody who was constantly single and never had a problem with that...until I start to get stressed and overwhelmed and realize that I have no one to comfort me. Why the hell am I even going on about this?? That kind of thing will always be around and it will be there when the time is right. At this point, my main focus is school--not work, not men, SCHOOL. I have my whole life to work and be in and out of love, but I'm very limited to the amount of time I have to complete my education.
I would have never thought that I would be so overwhelmed so quickly with school. I guess it's a matter of getting used to a new routine with doubled responsibilites. All I know is, thank GOD I don't have kids! I honestly don't see how people do it with families. It's hard enough to find time to get all of my other work and studying done without the stress or noise of children running around, although sometimes I feel like I live with a child when my deaf ass daddy has the t.v. cut up as loud as it'll go. So this will be the 2nd week in a row that someone has asked me to come out and I've had to say no because I can't afford to be out when I'm pressed for time to prepare for an exam 10 days from now. Even though it's disappointing that I had to decline, I'm pretty proud of myself for having my priorities in the right order. Aside from all of the work, the toughest part about everything going on right now is doing it without someone to talk to. But it could be a lot worse, so when I have my "moments" I always try to look at the bigger picture and count my blessings. I just really hate feeling lonely. I've always been the one out of everybody who was constantly single and never had a problem with that...until I start to get stressed and overwhelmed and realize that I have no one to comfort me. Why the hell am I even going on about this?? That kind of thing will always be around and it will be there when the time is right. At this point, my main focus is school--not work, not men, SCHOOL. I have my whole life to work and be in and out of love, but I'm very limited to the amount of time I have to complete my education.
Monday, September 1, 2008
And I'm back!
So...I've been on a slight hiatus. Last Monday was my first day of school and I'm just glad I made it out alive lol! I was a little overwhelmed in the beginning and worried that I may have bit off more than I can chew, but I'm cool now. 4 out of the 5 classes I'm taking are part of the criteria to apply to the nursing program so I'll be busting my ass for the next 2 semesters. I'm excited that I'm finally on my little road to success, but I can't help but be worried that things won't go as I anticipate. It seems that every obsticle I run into, my faith in God grows stronger and stronger, and I don't think I've had more conversations with Him or prayed as much as I have lately, in my entire life.
On another note, I've had several revelations this week. I'm ready to start "cleaning house" with a lot of things in my life. I've definitely realized that I can't afford to have any distractions right now, because as soon as I allow the slightest thing to get my attention, I'll lose focus and put things that are very demanding of my attention off until the next day, then the next, then the next and then I'll look up and I've reached my deadline with nothing to hand in. So, I suppose for right now I'll be fine without the company and/or comfort of a man.
Speaking of men, do you ever wonder if the person you're waiting for is already there and you just don't realize it? We all have an ideal person embedded in our minds, making it very difficult to acknowledge the possibility that what we're looking for has been in front of us the whole time. If I could make a list of ingredients to create the perfect man, it would consist of the following: 2 cups Good looking, 1 1/2 cups great in bed, 1 cup good sense of humor, 2 tbsp job w/ benefits, 1 tbsp relationship with God, and 1 stick of honesty. Blend all of that at medium speed, bake for 21-26 years and ta-daaaaaa! You've got my perfect man made especially for me. Now I'm sure that there is a man somewhere out there that has all of the qualities and characteristics that I so desire, but I doubt I will find him anytime soon. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm not as ready for that as I'd like to think I am. Then again, maybe I've already met him and I just don't know it. Sometimes you let things and people pass you by before you are able to see the true value in them, but as some of us get older and begin focusing on the things that truely matter within a person, we don't worry so much about the little things that may "excite" us.
On another note, I've had several revelations this week. I'm ready to start "cleaning house" with a lot of things in my life. I've definitely realized that I can't afford to have any distractions right now, because as soon as I allow the slightest thing to get my attention, I'll lose focus and put things that are very demanding of my attention off until the next day, then the next, then the next and then I'll look up and I've reached my deadline with nothing to hand in. So, I suppose for right now I'll be fine without the company and/or comfort of a man.
Speaking of men, do you ever wonder if the person you're waiting for is already there and you just don't realize it? We all have an ideal person embedded in our minds, making it very difficult to acknowledge the possibility that what we're looking for has been in front of us the whole time. If I could make a list of ingredients to create the perfect man, it would consist of the following: 2 cups Good looking, 1 1/2 cups great in bed, 1 cup good sense of humor, 2 tbsp job w/ benefits, 1 tbsp relationship with God, and 1 stick of honesty. Blend all of that at medium speed, bake for 21-26 years and ta-daaaaaa! You've got my perfect man made especially for me. Now I'm sure that there is a man somewhere out there that has all of the qualities and characteristics that I so desire, but I doubt I will find him anytime soon. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm not as ready for that as I'd like to think I am. Then again, maybe I've already met him and I just don't know it. Sometimes you let things and people pass you by before you are able to see the true value in them, but as some of us get older and begin focusing on the things that truely matter within a person, we don't worry so much about the little things that may "excite" us.
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