Love No Limit

Beyonce & Jay-Z. Will & Jada. Michelle and Barack. Those are couples that come to mind when you think of black love, or power couples. I always wonder how they do it. They have a foundation that is so strong, only the power of God can break it. Their realtionships are so admirable and so real, I often wonder what it takes to not only keep it going, but to create it. When you meet the person whom you ultimately have a healthy and lasting relationship with, do you know it right away? Or does it take time? I seem to always have an inkling when it's not going to work out with someone, but when I actually want to create and establish a relationship, I get so confused about which direction I should go in or if I should simply stand still. They say go by what a man does, not by what he says, but shouldn't it be both? Men have always provided the unpredictability some relationships need in order to sustain excitement. At the same time, that unpredictability is the very thing that causes a woman to question their relationship, which has now become her relationship. I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. This guy is very shallow, egotistical and self-absorbed. I tried to date him at one point, but being that we are both stuck in our ways, it didn't work. However, we talk and remain close friends. To begin with, he has a complex about women and their obligation to "please their man". I will never forget the first time he actually tried to use that line on me. I asked him if he was my man, and of course, his response was, "No, but--", and that's when I cut him off. I asked him why, if he's not my man, should I feel in any way obligated to please him, when he refuses to meet the minimum of my needs due to his pea-brained anaology that unless he's getting something out of it, then there's no reason he should do what I ask of him. The thing about this guy, is that he refuses to put any effort into his "relationships" because when he does, he realizes that it is no longer about him. When I attempted to make a point about him not being my man, therefore leaving me no obligation to satisfy him, he then wanted to throw in the "M" word: monogamy. I was quite shocked that he actually knew what the word entailed. If you knew the kind of person he was, you'd think when he heard the word "monogamy" he'd mistake it for a type of wood, rather than a form of committment. He stated that he was in a "monogamous" relationship with me, and because he was making the effort to stick with one woman, (in not so many words) I should fulfill his sexual needs, due to his reassurance that he isn't going anywhere.

Let's take a side note for a second. First off, I want to know where the hell men get off thinking that because for once in their life they aren't going around sticking their penises in any and everything that has a warm hole, that we should reward them for it. I asked him was he trying this "monogamy" thing out for me/us or for himself. His response: "I mean, it's for myself." Ooooooookay buddy, so why should I feel obligated to turn over, spread my legs or open my mouth (whichever you may be in the mood for) when you blatantly tell me that your new-found outlook on relationships has NOTHING to do with me or us?? Why is it always about the incentives? What about the sense of value you gain? Or the fact that for once you are getting to know someone through their mind, their spirit, their conversation? One thing I refuse to do, is succumb to the sexual and egotistical needs & wants of a man who's only concern is what he can benefit from the little bit he decides to give, rather than what can he do to make OUR relationship (in and out of the bedroom) better.

Now back to my friend. During our conversation last night, I brought up a very interesting television show called "Black Men Revealved". The show consists of the host and 4 other African American men who discuss certain issues that plague relationships between them and their companion(s). One episode in particular discussed why men cheat. Some of them had very legitimate reasons behind their infidelity. Others were just plain stupid. When my friend and I began talking about some of the contents of the show, he proved to be "just plain stupid". Unfortunately, he is so incredibly narrow-minded that he can't see past the sexual aspect of a relationship. In his mind, sex is really what it boils down to. Although I have had my share of dogs, I do believe that there are men out there who are capable of getting to know a woman on a much deeper level that doesn't involve the walls of her vagina. I have to be careful about the amount of information I give too soon in a new relationship, but I must admit, I truely believe I have finally found someone who I have a spiritual and intellectual connection with. My biggest turn-ons in a man are the ability to hold an intelligent conversation, someone who is educated, and knows his into a woman's mind. Men give me compliments all the time about the way I look, but for the first time, the other day, I had someone tell me that it is "refreshing" to meet someone who can hold a conversation. It may sound simple to most people, but it is very rare that I am lucky enough to run into someone who actually cares about and listens to what I have to say. I don't want to be presumptuous, but so far I'm feeling extremely blessed.

I used to blog about love and relationships when I was down and out about not having one to call my own. I recently discovered that I am finally happy being me. I'm alone, but I'm never lonely, and there's a difference. The best relationship I will ever have, is the one I have with myself, and unfortunately, for many many years, it was the main one I neglected and never appreciated. I often sit back and wonder where the hell my head was for so long. How could I really expect a man to love or even like me for my mind and my spirit, when I didn't even acknowledge that those attributes are important. I'm very thankful to God for shedding light on a lot of things I was too blind to see. I don't need anyone to validate my self-worth because I finally recognize and know the value of it. I hope all of the changes I have made, and will continue to make, only prevoke growth and strength as a woman, a companion, a lover, a friend, an employee, but most importantly, as a person.